Jokes:

The magician and the parrot:
There was a magician on a cruise ship, and he was good. He was performing the highlights of his show when a parrot walked on stage and squawked, "itls in his sleeve!" The magician chased the bird away.
The next day the magician was performing his highlight again (in front of a smaller audience) when the parrot walked on stage and declared, "It's in his pocket!"
The next day, as he was performing the highlight, he saw the parrot in the crowd. But before the parrot could ruin the magic trick, the boat crashed into a rock and sank.
The magician was lucky enough to find a board to hang on to. On the other end of the board was the parrot.
The stared at each other for three full days, neither of them saying anything. When suddenly the parrot said, "I give up, what'd with the ship?"

Wife- Do you love me dear?
Husband- Of course, I do.
Wife- Would you die for me?
Husband- No, my dear, mines is an undying love.

Customer-Waiter, we want chicken, the youngest the better.
Waiter- In case, would you mind ordering eggs sir?

Psychiatrist- So, you think you are a dog? Since when have you thought so?
Patient: Oh! ever since I was unhappy.

First person- Why are you bouncing up and down like that?
Second person- I just took some medicine and I gorge tot shake up the bottle?

Hotel owner (to the new waiter) - It has been less than a week and you have already broken more dishes than the total of your three weeks' salary. How can you handle this problem in the future?
Waiter- Well sir, you can give me a raise in salary.

Lady- Why don't you knock the door before getting in?
Servant- Don't worry madam, I always peep through the key-hole before getting in and knock if necessary.
Son- I've learnt a very new and special game. Play with me please!
Father- Ok, then tell me what do I have to do?
Son- You have to feed me some kilos of sweets.

Husband- What! No supper ready yet? This is the limit! I am going to a restaurant now.
Wife- wait, give me just five minutes.
Husband- Will it be ready then?
Wife- No, but I'll be ready to go with you?

Man- I wish, I had my wife back?
Stranger- Where's she?
Man- I exchanged her for a bottle of whisky.
Stranger- And now you realize how much you love her?
Man- No, no I am thirsty again.

Teacher: "David name two pronouns."
David: "Who, me?"
Teacher: "Correct"

Son: Dad, why is your hair white and beard black?
Dad: It's very simple. The beard is 20 years younger than the hair.