Some jokes for you

"I'm sorry the manager isn't in," said the clerk to the pompous individual who had strutted in. "Is there anything I can do for you?"
"no" snapped the visitor. "I never deal with underlings. I'll wait until the manager returns."
About one hour later the pompous one became impatient.
"How much longer do you think the manager will be?"
"About two weeks," was the reply. "He just left on his vacation."

A film star, married and divorced five times in two years, came to the Registrar with sixth bride. It was the same Registrar who had married him on the previous occasions. After the ceremony was over the actor offered some money which the Registrar politely declined to accept. "Not this time, let this one be on the house!"

The unhappy collector had made another trip trying to collect a long overdue bill and decided to give the man some advice on how to manage his finances.
"Why do you let the wife of yours spend more money than you can make?" the collector asked "Because," the husband replied, "I'd rather argue with you than with her."

For some reason, medical men claim that we're taller in the morning than in the evening, We've all noticed that we're shorter around the end of the month.

Husband: "One more installment and the furniture ours."
Wife: "Good! Then we can throw it out and get some new stuff."

A beggar approached an affluent-looking city agent in the street one day and asked for a hand out.
"Certainly not!" said the gentleman indignantly. "I never hand out money to anyone in the street."
"What do you want me to do then?" asked the beggar, "open an office"

He: "Your meals are not like my mother used to make."
She: "Well, your salary is not like my father used to make."

John: "Yes, I had a little balance in the bank, but I got engaged two months ago, and now-"
Joan" "Ah, love makes the world go round."
John: "Yes but I didn't think it would go round so fast than I would lose my balance."
A man died in a road accident and the insurance people went to present a twenty-thousand dollar cheque to his widow. While thanking them, the widow said, "Better dead than alive."

Marriage is much more than an adventure; it is a career, it is a fine art, it is a school- not for scandal but for development of virtues. Because of its very relationship, can bring out the worst in people or the best. It may turn two normal human beings into cynical, discontented and callous members of society. On the other hand, it can and often does take two inexperienced, undisciplined young people and mould them into unselfish, kindly, responsible citizens

"I once managed to put three hundred men out of action by myself. You see, I was camp cook that week."

The butcher was quite firm. "I am sorry, madam but I can extend your further credit. Your bill is much higher now than it should be."
"I'm perfectly aware of that," retorted the woman. "So if you make it out for the proper amount, I'll pay it."

"Why do girls sometimes carry money in their bosom?"
"Because they wan to bank their wealth where it will draw the most interest.