America Offline

To the tune of "American Pie"]A long, long, time agoI can still remember when I dialed up their help desk lines.And I knew if I had the chanceThey could make my modem dancewith chats and GIFs and silly pick-up lines.But Help Desk phone calls made me shiverwith every busy they'd deliver.Bad news on the front pageA 19-hour outrage.I can't remember if I criedwhen I realized that Steve Case had lied.But something touched me deep insideThe day the service died.So bye bye to Amer'ca OnlineDrove my modem to a domain and it's working just fine.And good old geeks are cheering users offlineSaying this'll be the day that they die.This'll be the day that they die.Did you write the book of TOSWill you send your password to PWD-BOSSIf an IM tells you so.And will you believe the Motley FoolWhen he tells you that the service rulesAnd can you teach me how to Web real slow?Well I know you sold the service shortCause I saw your quarterly report.Steve Case sold off his stockIt fell just like a rock.It was a crazy, costly high-tech playAs they slashed away at what subscribers payAnd half their users went awaythe day the service died.So bye bye to Amer'ca OnlineDrove my modem to a domain and it's working just fineAnd good old geeks are cheering users offlineSaying this'll be the day that they die.This'll be the day that they die.Well for two days we've been on our ownAnd dial-ins click on a rolling phoneBut that's not how it used to beWhen the mogul came to Virginia courtWith an OS icon and a browser portAnd a desktop that looked like Apple III.And while Jim Clark was looking downThe mogul stole his thorny crownThe browser war was turned.Mozilla...was spurned.And while Steve left users out to bondWith hosts unable to respond6 million newbies all were connedthe day the service died.So bye bye to Amer'ca OnlineDrove my modem to a domain and it's working just fineAnd good old geeks are cheering users offlineSaying this'll be the day that they die.This'll be the day that they die.Da Chronic ducked their software guardsAnd stole a million credit cardsTo use accounts he'd gotten freeAnd so Steve Case went to the FBIand he told Boardwatch a little lieThat hackers wanted child pornographyBut while Steve Case was looking downThe hackers pulled his e-mail downThey put it on the net.He can't be trusted yet!And while user cynicism climbsAt sign-on ads and welcome rhymesThey scan their e-mail for "Good Times"the day the service died.So bye bye to Amer'ca OnlineDrove my modem to a domain and it's working just fineAnd good old geeks are cheering users offlineSaying this'll be the day that they die.This'll be the day that they die.Helter-skelter billing needs a melterThe lawyers filed a class-action shelterEight million in lawyer's fees.But it looks like some attorney jibean hour if they resubscribe.To a service marketed for freeWell I KNOW you're raking in the bucksCause I'm reading alt.aol-sucks."Until we bless the suitThe settlement is moot.""If AOL treats you like the BorgThen visit aolsucks.orgBefore some router pulls the cord..."the day the service died.So bye bye to Amer'ca OnlineDrove my modem to a domain and it's working just fineAnd good old geeks are cheering users offlineSaying this'll be the day that they die.This'll be the day that they die.Bill Razzouk, the head-to-besold off his home in TennesseeAnd headed for a 4-month end.Was he sad or just incensedwhen Case offered him his thirty cents.Billing is the devil's only friend.But as I read him on the pageMy hands were clenched in fists of rage.No "Welcome" born in hellcould ring that chatroom bell.And as chat freaks cried into the nightCompuServe read their last rites.I saw Earthlink laughing with delightthe day the service died.So bye bye to Amer'ca OnlineDrove my modem to a domain and it's working just fineAnd good old geeks are cheering users offlineSaying this'll be the day that they die.This'll be the day that they die.I met a girl in Lobby 9And I asked her if she'd stay on-line.But she just frowned and looked away.And I went back to the Member LoungeTo see what loyalty I could scroungeBut Room Host said the members went away...And on the net the modems screamAt faster speeds and data streams.And not a tear was spoken.The hourly fees were broken.And the three men that I hated mostTed, and Steve, and Razzouk's ghostThey couldn't dial up the hostThe day the service died.