Wanna a laugh

There are more important things in life than money- but they won't go out with you if you're broke.

The will of the wealthy but eccentric man was being read out and the relatives all listened expectantly, especially his playboy nephew. Finally, the lawyer said: "And to my nepwhe, Charlie Jones, whom I promised to remember-hi there, Charlie!"

Master: "Why don't you deliver that message as instructed?"
Servant:" I did the best I could. sir."
Master: "The best you could! If I had known I was sending a stupid idiot, I would have gone myself."

Visitor to an art exhibition: "Why did they hang that picture?"
Attendant: "Probably couldn't find the artist."

Were you excited the first time you asked your husband for money?
"Oh no! I was clam- and collected.

"What's your name, sir?" the bank teller asked politely.
"Don't you see my signature?" snapped the indignant patron.
"Yes sir. That's what aroused my curiosity."

Over lunch, two businessmen were discussing their children. "My three sons really stick together," said one. "If one of them does something wrong the other two never tattle on him
"That's wonderful loyalty," observed the other, "but how do you discover which one is guilty so you cam punish him?"
"Oh, that's no problem," laughed the father of the three boys. "I just send them all to bed without dinner and, in the morning, paddle the one with the black eye."

"Did you get my cheque?" enquired David of Jhon.
"Yes, twice," replied Jhon. "Once you and once from the bank."

A woman rang up her insurance company and said wanted to change the terms of her policy, "I have just had twins," she told the manager.
The manager had difficulty in hearing her and asked:
"Will you repeat that, please?"
"Not if I can help it!" the woman shot back emphatically, irritated.

Man makes counterfeit money; in many more cases money makes counterfeit men.

Father: When I was of your age, I was working for a pound a week in a store and at the end of four years I owned the store.
Son: You can't do that nowadays. They have cash registers."

The only thing you can get without working is hungry.

A clerk was handed a pay envelope which, by error, contained a blank cheque. The astonished clerk liked at it and moaned: "Just what I thought would happen. My deductions finally caught up with my salary."

Minister to little boy: "Do you say a prayer before you eat?"
Little boy: "No sir, my mother is a good cook."

Boarder: "When I left my last boarding-house, the landlady actually wept."
New landlady: "Well, I shan't. I always collect payment in advance."

"Dad, it says here that a certain man was financial genius. What does that mean?"
"That he could earn money faster than his family could spend it."

A man was complaining that he had just bough a prefabricated house, and that it had cost him $1 million. "One million!" exclaimed one of his friends. "Isn’t that a lot to pay for a prefab?"
"Yes" said the home-owner. "It wasn't so much to begin with, but I told the factory I wanted it right away, and they sent it to me by air mail."

Uncle John came to say, and before leaving gave his nephew five dollars.
"Now, be careful with that money, tommy," he said. "Remember the saying, 'A fool and his money are soon parted'."
"Yes," replied Tommy, "but I want to thank you for parting with it, just the same."

Rich people miss one of life's greatest pleasure Paying the last installment

A wife phones her husband at work to tell him that the car had water in its carburetor.
"Where is it?" he asked "I will get it seen to."
"At the moment," she replied, "it's in the river."

A wealthy old man, dictating his last will and testament from his bed, stipulated that the Vienna Philharmonic Orchestra should play at his funeral. "Very good, sir," said the attorney. "And what piece would you like to hear?"