I hated life

I hated life. Life seemed like and endless journey without a destination; completely devoid of a good company. Family? I took them for my enemies. Since the time I could remember I have been hearing that I nearly killed my mother at my birth. The second born in the family I suffered it all silently.

Both my parents were educated, still in some ways I had this strong undulating feeling of discrimination between and my brother. I knew that they loved us both but his demands got more priority. I remained silent and tried hard to be satisfied with whatever little I got. But my brother's indifference towards me coupled with my parents' absence from the house for most of the time weakened my resolution each day. In short I was a lonely child at home. I always had mouthful of incident from the day to recount to them but my parents always had other important issues to attend first. With time I leant to keep my mouth shut; I killed all my desires, wants and I never expressed my thoughts and feelings to them ever. I grew up into a dumb frustrated teenager who was forced to fight loneliness all by herself. Home was hell to me. The emptinessit held tormented me more than anything.

Hence, the innocent childhood dream to run away to a far off land anywhere bt a place called home found its way secretly into my life long after I left kindergarten.

I could not exactly remember the day I started doing fag but the habit grew into something indispensable. With the smoke I tried to give vent to my unfulfilled desires, and thus free muself of the burden that I was made to live with. But the whole thing backfired. My performance in classroom and school activities took a nosedive. However, the pressure from my family remained unchallenged. I was forced to cut off socializing with my peers. My parents had this funny idea that my friends were a bad influence on me. That proved to be the last straw. More than I could handle. Suddenly, the world appeared so dark and hostile that I succumbed to it completely. Before long I was into narcotics. I remained stoned most of the time, It continued for almost two years when my family finally became aware of my status quo. Things worsened and I felt like a big burden on the earth. I began to feel hopeless and so vain than to escape it all death seemed inevitable. I made many suicidal attempts almost succeeding once. But God wanted me to live, at least I think so. so I did my parents. And then I realized what a fool I have been.

When I was taken to hospital after one of the unsuccessful suicide attempts I became suddenly aware of the love that I was seeking outside the familiar boundary, all around me. My parents would lay awake all night just to make sure I was sleeping well. Whenever I use to cry wit pain, I found my brother beside me, comforting. I wept with regret for putting my family into so much trouble and resolved to be strong for them.

It's been a year now and I feel like I am born again. This year i celebrated my seventeenth birthday. I have joined morning college and during day time I work at a repute television channel in town. What's more I have a boyfriend now with whom everything seems so pleasant and just so perfect. I am at peace with my life, More over I am looking forward for a secure and bright future ahead. and I know I am a ready for it too this time around.