jam up

We find ourselves in complete accord with the etiquette expert who says only well-reared girls should wear slacks.

A paediatrician informs us that infant don't have nearly as much fun in infancy as adults have in adultery.

A well-known lawyer was always lecturing his office boy- whether he needed it or not. One day he chanced to overhear and the following conversation between his boy and the on employed next door.
"How much does he pay you?" asked the latter.
"I get rupee 3,000 a year," replied the office boy.
"Rs. 100 a month in cash the rest in legal advice

A doctor had just finished giving a patient, who was quite a bit more than middle aged, a thorough physical examination. "I can't find a thing wrong with you, sir," the doctor said. "But I recommend you give up about half of your love life."
The old man stared at the doctor for a moment and then said: "Which half- thinking about it or taking about it?"

"Pass through the gates" intoned St. Peter
"Why have you allowed that man to go before us?" the preachers protested.
"Because" said St. Peter, "in fifteen years he has scared more hell out of
people than both of you have in half a century"

Detective: "You are looking for you cashier? Is he tall or short."
Broker: "Both"

What difference does it make whom the patient consults- allopath, homoeopath or osteopath? All path leads but to the grave.

A businessman with a wry sense of the incongruous boarded a huge jet plane. When airborne, he unfastened his seat-belt and looked around. There were tow air hostesses, a steward and the flight engineer- otherwise he was the only person aboard. There were a hundred empty seats! he went back to the pantry, picked up the intercom microphone, pressed the button and growled:
"Good morning! This is your passenger speaking."

Patient: "How can ever repay you for your kindness to me?"
Doctor: "By cheque, money order or cash."
After a sermon on free salvation, the Minister announced a collection would be taken. Instantly, a member of the congregation was on his feet. "Parson," he said, "I thought you just got through telling us that Salvation is free-free as the water we can drink.'
"That's right brother," the minister agreed. "Salvation is free. But when we pipe it to you, you have to pay for the plumbing."

"Folks," said the old colored minister, "the subject this evening is liars. How many in the congregation have read the 69th Chapter of Matthew?"
Nearly every hand in the audience was raised. "That is right," said His Reverence, "You are the folks I want to preach to. There is no 69th Chapter of Matthew.

A prominent judge once invited a colleague to join him for an afternoon of sailing. Unaccustomed to the sea, the guest paled noticeably as a brisk wind caused the vessel to pitch and toss.
"Is there anything I can do for you?" his host asked solicitously.
"Yes, Your honour. Please overrule the motion


From a church bulletin: "The special study group that meets tonight in the conference room will begin a study o prayer- what it is and how to do it. Next, we will move into a study on sin- what is and how to do it."

Father Bernard Vaughan, the Jesuit famous for his colorful sermons, one day traveled in a train with a tiresome young man who irritated the others passengers. At last the young man got out, but just as he reached he station exit, Father Vaughan rapped on the carriage window and called, "You have left something behind."
The young man dashed back, frantically mouthing began to pull out of the station.
Father Vaughan shouted at him, "A very bad impression."

Two men were talking. One said, "I only believe half of what people tell me."
"Why?"
"Because I am a lawyer"
"I believe twice what people tell me," said the other.
"Why?'
"Because I am a taxi inspector."
A jester who was always living on the brink said one day that an apology may sometimes be worse than the insult. The king, who was always trying to corner him unsuccessfully, immediately pounced on this opportunity and told him, to prove his point failing which his head would be cut off. The jester asked for time and a suitable opportunity. When the king's back was turned, be landed a tremendous kick on the royal posterior.
The king turned upon him, purple with rage, but the jester proved his point by saying: "I beg your pardon, Your Majesty, I thought it was the Queen."

Economists are still trying to figure out why the girl with the least principle draws the most interest.

A Scot went to see a psychiatrist. The head- shrinker gently led him to the couch. "Tell me," he said, "when did you first start treating your friend and enjoying it."

A woman was happily telling a friend how lucky she was to have two lawyer nephews. "We use John for regular law," she said, "and dick for the loopholes.

The successful businessman told his audience: "The most tactful man I ever knew is the one who fired me from my very first job. He called me in and said, "Son I don't know how we're ever going to get along without you, but, form Monday we're gong to try.